It's official, I am losing my mind.
Ok, Yesterday's appointment was great..... I mean it, it was perfect. I had my list of monthly questions ready, and Mike and I talked them over on the way to the appointment.
We get there early, and I had to pee (surprise, surprise) instead of going up to the office to relieve myself I went to the bathroom downstairs. While I was going I thought, wow... I hope we do not get in right away, because if we do I will not be able to pee in the cup. After I finish in the bathroom we go up to the office and no one is in the waiting room. We sit for a moment and.... they call our name. My first thought is OH crap, I am not going to have to pee.
We go back and I get on the scale, and I only gained 1 pound (I am now up to 17 total pounds gained) then they hand me the cup.... I go and "try" to pee... and I actually had to go! YES!!! Not only did I have a minimal weight gain, but I also was able to pee. Life is good.
Then they check my blood pressure... and it was perfect like always. The Dr came in right away and checked the baby's heart rate. He found the little heartbeat right away, and it was right on target.
He then measured my fundal height, it should have been right around 27 cm. Well, it wasn't. I was measuring a little over 31cm. As you know this measurement is supposed to correlate with how far along you are. If I was measuring at 31 cm then that means I was measuring a little over 4 weeks ahead. He measured it again, yep.... a little over 31 cm. He then tells me that I was measuring 4 weeks ahead at our last appointment too. He said this was normal, and we will have an u/s to check on the baby's size etc. If necessary we will then move my due date up a few weeks.
Before we could even go over my questions he said he wanted me to have another glucose test and my Rogham shot by the end of the month. Fantastic! This was one of my questions.... I wanted to have it done by the end of the year so more of the total cost was covered by my insurance. Even better.... I have Friday off, so we could do it then... I would not have to take any additional time off of work.
Then he tells me that he also wants me to have the ultrasound by the end of the year, sometime around Christmas. (Bonus, this was another one of my questions) That way we can check on baby's position and get a few additional measurements. ..... Ok, stop right there. What does he mean by extra measurements?
Is there something wrong?
My mind starts racing, and I blurt out "What is wrong with my baby" he tells me in a very calm voice, "Nothing, there were just a few measurements we could not get last time because your baby was not very cooperative." This should have eased my mind, because I KNOW that he was not cooperative, I know that he moved around a ton while they were trying to get their measurements. I also know they need to check on his size because I am measuring a month further then what I am. But for some reason I had this haunting thought that he was not telling me something.
We finished the appointment on a high note, after all.... other then my paranoia everything was great. We left the office and went to Culver's to eat. We then stopped by Wal-mart to pick some last minute Thanksgiving necessities.
We get home around 7pm, by this time I am exhausted so I go to bed. ALL night I have dreams that there is something wrong with my baby. What exactly did they have to measure??? What if they needed to check his heart, or his brain, or what if there was something wrong with his lungs. I would wake up and just be terrified. So, I would go pee and go back to bed. I would feel him moving and "know" all was well. Needless to say the dreams continued and with each one I would wake up. And each time I woke up it was even harder to calm myself down.
I know that this is all hormones, and that a good deal of my worry comes from pregnancy insanity. I know that if there was something major wrong with baby that we would already know. I know they would have told us after our last ultrasound. I know that if there was something that they saw that was "off" during our last ultrasound that they would have already done additional tests..... but by morning I had myself convinced that no one at the Dr's office had said anything about my baby's health because they wanted me to enjoy my pregnancy while it lasted.
So, this morning I talk to Mike about my dreams and how I am worried. And he tells me that all is well, I have no reason to worry and that I just need to relax. Well, that was not good enough. So I did what any insane pregnant woman would do. I called my Dr.
Nurse Tina answers the phone and I tell her about my dreams, and how I am convinced that there is something wrong with my baby and that no one is telling me because they are "protecting" me. She does what she can to ease my mind and tells me that everything is just perfect. I even ask her if she thinks I am insane, and apologize to her for calling because I KNOW that this is all just hormonal and that everything is ok. She tells me that they often get calls like this, and that I am completely normal.
Well, now I feel better about the baby's health.... but now I am worried that they think I am insane at the Doctors office. So, I call Mike and he tells me that I AM crazy, but it is all part of pregnancy and I should not worry. In less then 90 days we will be bringing our baby home.
I feel better, decide that I am just going to relax and enjoy the last work day of the week. I sit down to play with the kids and the phone rings.... IT WAS THE DOCTORS OFFICE. I answer the phone and Nurse Tina tells me that she was just talking with Dr Leno about how I was feeling, and that even though they are positive that all is well with baby and that he is perfectly healthy they are going to move up my ultrasound to Friday morning. This way I can rest assure that all is well and get to see my little man early.
I tell her that this is great, and even reiterated the fact that they were just doing this for my peace of mind. She once again assures me that what I am feeling is normal and that yes, all is well.
I hang up the phone with Tina, and I get out the laptop and start typing this... because you know... I am still nervous that they are going to find something wrong, I am still nervous that they think I am crazy, and the sad thing is that I know that I am not being rational but for the life of me I cannot be rational right now.
For the record, while I am typing this my perfect little boy is moving all around.... and though I feel like I am losing my mind I am excited that my ultrasound is right before my baby shower, so we can definitely tell the baby's gender.
Anyway, why do I feel like this? Is it because of the miscarriage? Is this normal? Has anyone else felt this way?
Jacque