I need to freak out for a bit.....

[AwesomeMommy]

Ok, let me start out by thanking the lord that all of these issues do not effect Mike, Kailey, and I directly. I am very lucky that over the last week we only had 2 (yes 2) lawn mowers break, and that I am very thankful for that.

But I feel like all of my friends have something major going on in their lives, and that if I do not tell someone I am going to freak out. There is Dawn, whose FIL committed suicide. Her sons know about it and my heart breaks for them. I hate the fact that they have to go though this, and it just breaks my heart knowing that noone really understands why Byron would do this.

Then there is my friend Natalie, who also tried to commit suicide this weekend. She is a great girl and is just having alot of issues. Her parents are finally getting her the help she needs and I know that this is a huge step in the right direction. I feel for her sister Jenn, and I pray that this hard time in Natalie's life does not effect Jenn in a bad way. Jenn is a fantastic person, and is everyones "rock" and I fear that this will impact her in a negative way. There is a lack of communication at home (which is to be expected) since this has happened and she feels as if her parents blame her. I have told my friends that pray, and I have prayed constantly over the last several days that when Natalie comes home from rehab that she will have completed the first step to her new life.

Then there is my sister, Meghan and I have just recently started talking. I find out that she is pregnant with a little boy and is due in September. She has been in and out of the hospital over the last week due to the fact that her body is preparing to deliver her son 9 weeks early. It freaks me out because she has already lost one baby to preterm birth and I do not want it to happen to her again. She has been off and on magnesium to help control the contraction, and I know we have all heard the horror stories surrounding that.

Then there is the fact that I have one day care kid sick, another one with a weird rash, another one that is having a hard time at home...... it just feels like it is all building up. If you add that to the fact that this is how far along I was when I lost Trent then it is hard not to think, come on... PLEASE do not let anything else bad happen!!!

Ok, it is now 3:23 and I am going to try to go back to bed. Thanks for listening.

Jacque

[nicolax2]

Jacque - I'm so sorry to hear of all the hard times your loved ones are having at the moment and of how much those hard times are playing on your mind. Knowing that the people we care for are finding life hard is difficult to cope with believe me I know as I always try to be everyone's rock and shoulder to cry on also.

I pray for Dawn and her family also, suicide is such a difficult thing to try and come to terms with. I am fortunate enough to have never known anyone personally commit suicide but it is something I have delt with through work. It is always difficult to try and provide support to someone who's friend or family member has attempted or commited suicide. Their loss must be very difficult to come to terms with as suicide is often seen as a very selfish act. You can only be there for Dawn and listen when she needs to talk. A very close friend of mine has attempted suicide twice. Unfortunately my inital reaction was to scream and shout at her as I had no idea what could possess her to do such a thing. 6 months later she was sectioned under the mental health act after having a nervous break down. She eventually confided in me that she had been sexually abused as a child and teenager. So I know how trying it can be to have a friend like Natalie.

My friend, Lisa was brought up in a very unstable environment. Her dad was physically abusive towards her mum who in turn was an alcoholic. I knew all this when we were kids. Lisa would often come and stay with my family when things were particulrly bad at home. She got herself a weekend job babysitting when she was 13 just to get away from home and this is where she was abused. This went on for 2 years, but she never told anyone. She eventually confided in me that her dad had also sexually abused when she was much younger ( before we met and became friends) and she eventually found the strength to cut all ties with him, but still refuses to press any charges against him. I pray that Natalie can resolve any issues that she has at home and learns that she doesn't have to be everyone's rock all of the time, that it is ok for someone to be hers! My experience with Lisa is that her mental health issues haunt her all of the time. She has been sectioned in the psychiatric hospital twice, but now she is on medication and has finally let all of her secrets go she is coping very well with life. Small steps is what I always tell her, that is how we all learn to walk alone.

I am glad that you and your sister are talking and as I have posted before I will pray for her and her unborn baby. A friend of my mum's delivered her son 16 weeks premature 10 years ago! He had massive health problems and his prognosis was poor. They named him Tom after Tom Thumb as he was so small he fitted in the palm of his dad's hand! He was the same length as a pen. His parents were advised to have him baptised when he was 6 days old, but they refused as they felt as though that would mean they were giving up on him. Well that paid of because he is now a very healthy, very big, well mannered and beautiful young boy!
Good things do happen Jacque even in bad situations.

I don't have advise for you Jacque I just wanted you to know that you are not alone, unfortunately we all have bad experiences and times when we feel completely helpless. This is a very vulnerable time for time you, you must try to relax and enjoy this pregnancy, you deserve to. I'm sure being pregnant reminds you of Trent, but our lives are God's plans and I believe that one day he will let us know why these things have happend to us x x x

[AwesomeMommy]

You know, on top of this all I just got a phone call. My friend Christy is head of Human Resources at a local bank, one of the branches was just robbed........ She is very upset, not at the loss of money but because of what her bank tellers had to go though. I feel so bad for the ladies that were working while it happened. I can not imagine how scared they were. Ok, now I am going to go back and read Nicola's post.......

Jacque

[AwesomeMommy]

Nicola, Thank you so much for you post. I feel like I am whining because of everyone else's problems.... but I really feel like everything is just caving in on me. I feel like calling all of my friends and just warning them and saying.... hey, really crappy things are happening to everyone that is close to me so you really need to watch yourself over the next week.

As for Dawn, I know that with each passing day she will get better, and so will her kids. As for Natalie.... I feel so much better now because I too just want to yell at her. Ask her what they heck was she thinking, much the same as you wanted to say to your friend. I felt guilty for feeling like this, but now I know it is more normal then I thought. Thank you for sharing your story with me!

I know that with Meghan everyday longer that she is pregnant is a day longer that her baby has to develope and with each passing day baby is more and more ready to be born. My daughters best friend was also very premature, and that was 8 years ago. I just fear for my sister. I know what she is going though must be hard. It is nice to here about healthy premie babies, I am glad that Tom is doing so well now. I pray that if Meghan's baby comes early her son will have the same results.

As for everything else.... I have a huge issue. lol My husband calls it the "big sister syndrome" it is where I feel the need to make everything all better for everyone I know. It is almost like I make their problems my problems. I am trying not to foucs on what is going on in everyone elses lives right now.... but I feel like they all need me for support and advice.

[aalissa]

I was just about to say the same thing as MIKE You can't FIX everything JAC!! You just can't" at the same time I look around and what I see on TV and think THIS freaken WORLD is falling apart and I get all tangled up in all the mess!! about 20 mins away a 5 year old gets shot 3 times driving on the road with her mother test driving a car and it was gang related!!! saginaw which is 20 mins away is where all this shooting shit is happening every MORNING JAC we hear somthing else someone getting shot why'll they where sleeping from a drive by... WE NEED MORE CONTROL over these streets not having the cops posted up getting people not wearing seat belts IS COMPLETELY stupid!! AND YOU CAN"T we have no control over other people! You are such a lover and I can feel your passion threw your post Please try and relax ARE THOSE PREGGER HORMONES showing

All I can say is she is getting the help!!! I use to cut myself when I was younger and living in my dads hell house! I also tryed to kill myself when I was 15.... there is alot of stuff in a persons brain at that state in mind!!! and I can't even begin to explain! I still fight with those voices at times...... and its the devil tryen to work his magic on you..... you have to fight! the lord makes YOU STRONGER IN ways we will never understand!!!!!!!!!!!! hang in there KEEP YOUR FAITH!!!!! thats all you can do'

[christinam]

jacque
they are all in our prayers whether they are still with us or not......that is rough and some times people dont realize how much is going out on there and how there is so much more important things in life! keep your faith and trust in God and all will work out in the end!
i lost my grandfather my dad's dad just before our wedding and til this day i miss him everyday!
i lost a friend to a drunk driver when we were 15!
i use to babysit a boy in my class and his baby brother, the baby brother had liver damage from birth, had 3 transplants and is doing awesome today!!!!!
and i have a close aunt who is recently divorced cause she met someone after 20 years and 4 kids! now misses her hubby and thinks she made a mistake, and everyday she is over and we are trying to help her but dont have the answers, she has to follow her heart and her ex is willing to take her back! so we all have something going on, and God helps us pull through!
i tell you everyday no matter what kind of day i am having i count my blessings and thank God for all in my life!!!!!!!!!!
hard as it may be! but for some reason you, me and everyone need to stay strong for one another! and hope and pray!
i am so sorry all this is going on, but dont no matter how hard stress, you and the baby come first right now!!!!!!!!!we are all here for you! hugs and kisses!!!!!!
chrissy

[AwesomeMommy]

Chrissy and Aalissa: Thanks so much for your kind works and support, I really appreciate it.

Just a few updates:

Natalie is now in the Psychiatric ward in a major hospital about 30 minutes away from here. She is doing well and getting the help that she needs.

Baby Alex (my Sister's baby) was born on Wednesday July 12th at 2:39am. He was born at 30 weeks (10 weeks premature), she carried him about 10 weeks longer then she carried Christian. Baby Alex is doing GREAT!!!! He weighs 3 pounds 3.9 ounces and is 16 inches long. He is breathing filtered air on his own. He will be in the NICU until his vitals are all stable, then will move to the nursery until he is able to regulate is body temp, can eat on his own, and has gained some weight.... then soon after he will sent home. Right now we are assuming he will go home before his original due date which was the middle to end of September.

Please keep baby Alex, Meghan and Cruz in your prayers. I promise I will keep you posted with any updates I receive.

Thanks again for listening to me vent!

Jacque